Mourning Mother’s Day

Whether you are a mother who is mourning for a child or you are a child who is mourning for a mother, or you are a mother who is mourning for BOTH a child and a mother, waking up this morning means facing some challenging and significant pain.  I woke up with you on my heart.  While I am not here to suggest how you should feel, I am here to let you know you are not alone in what you might be feeling, nor are you alone to suffer in your pain.  I am here with you this morning to support you and turn your grieving heart towards hope.

Mourning Child or Children

If you have wept over a miscarriage, or mourned for the baby your arms can’t hold; if your child died, or if your child or children are emotionally detached from you right now, or if your child is missing, you are facing some important and necessary grief work today. Yes, on this Mother’s Day when it is supposed to be a day to be pampered and honored, we get to work on our grief.  We get to honor and pamper ourselves by facing the pain and working it through much like getting a deep tissue massage.  It hurts while the one working on those knotted up muscles presses deep into the pain to finally release the tension.  Yet the relief is worth the temporary discomfort. If you are willing to press into your pain to experience some relief, then keep reading.

Mourning Mother

While others are sending flowers and cards to their mothers, you woke up this morning possibly feeling like an orphan, a mother-less child.  You could be feeling the ache of the loss of a mother relationship due to dementia. Due to emotional or physical abuse, you might be grieving the loss of connection with the woman who brought you into this world.  You might mourn the absence of your mother’s embrace, her words of consolation, wisdom, and unconditional love.  Whatever it is like for you, your heart feels heavy, sad, alone, mad, and fragile. How will you give honor to this woman on this day that is culturally set aside to remember mothers?  Is there grief work that is calling for your attention?  Are you, like the mothers who mourn their children on this day, willing to deal with your suffering heart and do some grief work today?

Missing Mother and Child

I have a few friends today whose table has an empty chair AND whose mother has recently died.  This is a double shot of pain and sorrow.  Getting through Mother’s Day will be your objective.  And possibly doing grief work might seem more than you can handle.  The pain in your heart seems to have no possible escape or relief.  Please keep reading, for there might be one or two choices that would bring comfort for the suffering you feel today.

Grief Work

Ever heard the adage, “A woman’s work is never done”?  Waking up to Mother’s Day is one of those days that a grieving woman’s work is never done.  How? You might ask. Like doing laundry, or cleaning up after meals, washing sinks and toilets; grief work is now added to the list of chores to pay attention to.  The difference is that doing healthy grief work really brings relief and puts your broken heart in a healing trajectory.  While you might have a simple sense of satisfaction over a household chore done well, grief work done well accomplishes so much more.  It honors the loved one who died.  It cooperates with God’s promise to heal our broken hearts.  It creates momentum for ongoing heart healing to take place. And gratefully, it provides authentic and healthy release of the pain.

A Mother’s Day Grief Workout

If you allow, I’ll take you to the Grief Workout Gym.  Here you will find a variety of grief workout equipment, tools, and exercises.  Take what works for you and let me or others know how you worked through the pain of Mother’s Day.

  • Give yourself permission to cry, or let the tears flow. Physical body toxins are in those tears that need to be released.
  • Call a friend and let them know you are having a tough day.
  • Consider that God, in His tender care, is present with you no matter how you feel. Keep your heart and mind open to His full knowledge of your pain and practice trusting Him to help you.
  • Write a letter to either your child, children, or mother. Be real and honest.  Let them know what grief is like for you, what you wish was different, how you are accepting their absence, your hope in something better in the future, ask forgiveness if you have regrets, give forgiveness if you have been hurt, express your love.  Date it.  Put this letter in a safe place where you can come back to it as affirmation of healthy grief work and the healing it brings.
  • Journal about a new meaning for Mother’s Day.
  • Read these Scriptures ~ reflect on one or two ~ apply it to your need right now ~ rewrite it in your own words ~ put it where you can see it. 66:13, Is. 49:13-16, Ps.147:3, II Thess. 4:13-18, Ps. 56:8, Rev. 21:4
  • Reach out to a child who needs a mom or a mother who needs a child.
  • Take flowers to the grave.
  • Post memories on Facebook.

At the end of your grief workout, pamper yourself physically.  Take a walk, relax in a bath, put on nice music, eat a healthy meal, and thank God for the strength He gave you to do the grief work needed for this Mother’s Day.

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